The Rate of Evolution

You know when average people, who aren't mothers - natural or otherwise, are asked to hold a friend or family member's baby without the actually asking - the baby is pushed into their wobbly, outstretched, elbow locked arms, with a tiny, raspberry burping human staring at them - they try and comprehend, "how the hell do I hold it?" Yea, well, this is a natural and expected question to the unexpected holding of another life force. You don't want to drop the baby or hold he/she upside down or wrap one hand around the kid's stomach the first time around; all very bad. You have to be gentle, cradle the kid in your arms so those large, inquisitive eyes can stare up at your face and wonder, "Who the hell are you? Where's Mommy!" before waling to high heavens. Anyhow, holding a baby is a little tricky.

Yesterday, as a favor to Little Di, I brought Tony Stripes (cute kitty from my blog a couple weeks ago) to "The Hills Have Eyes" kitty adoption people at the local Petco, so he could get his deworming shot and some other shot that kitties need to stay healthy. While I waited for the odd adoption, epitome of a "Cat Woman", lady to finally notice me in the practically empty store, two mid-teenage sisters wandered over to the kitty cages and spotted Tony in my arms. They started talking about how they really wanted a kitten, but their mom wasn't so sure and since they currently had a guinea pig that shits everywhere, it wasn't likely they were going to get an animal that uses a smelly litter box.

One of the girls asked me if they could hold Tony, and I'm like, "Sure," while holding him out for her to take. She gives me a shy look and says, "I don't know how to hold him." This is where the baby part of this blog is relevant. It's one thing to not know how to hold a baby, they don't always land on their feet when dropped, but a kitten? Cats somehow manage to defy gravity 98% of the time, Nova - my cat, is one of the exceptions; the poor thing is so badly uncoordinated she falls off the foot wide edge of the couch. You can grab a kitty on the back of the neck (just like his mom would), pick him up under his tummy or armpits, cradle him in the crook of your arms, etc - it's not rocket science. Kittens are very mailable animals that will indubitable squirm in your arms whether you hold them correctly or not. The main goal when holding a kitten is to try and not let the animal abuse you too much as as a jungle gym or bite you.

If the kitten happens to fall out of your arms, whether you've accidentally dropped he/she or he/she's decided to learn how to fly, you needn't worry too much because a small 3-4.5 foot drop is like a mini "Drop Zone" to the kitten. Somehow their fascinating agility will always find a way to rotate them in mid air so that, most of the time, they'll land feet first. It's one of life's amazing wonders. Cats have an ability to fall up to 9 stories and still land on their feet. Maybe this is where all the "9 lives" rumors come from, cats falling from a height that should have killed them and surviving.

Anyhow, the kid asking me how to hold Tony was rather ridiculous to me. I pushed Tony into her arms and said, "Just make sure you're holding most of his weight and if he falls, he'll live, so don't be afraid." At first the girl was extremely nervous - smoshing Tony between her right forearm and her abdomen, while her left arm was under his feet. Tony, still being a little wary of the other animals in the Petco, was unnaturally calm (not climbing on and biting everything in sight), but the girl was still afraid she was going to drop him so she announces, "I think I'll sit down. I don't think I'm ready to stand and hold him." Um... ok. The kid's sister sits down next to her, enviously watching Tony be petted. "Can I hold him too?" she asks. "Sure, Tony doesn't care."

Tony gets passed, tentatively, from one sister to the other. Both girls are immediately smitten by Tony's adorableness, and thank goodness, his subdued (nervousness of new surroundings) manner. They talked to me more about wanting a kitten, but one of the sisters said their mom was currently in love with another guinea pig she'd found in the store and so the chances that they could get a cat, that day, was pretty slim. I told them that eventually, maybe when they were older, they'd get their kitty. Hell, when they're 18, they can move out on their own and get their very own cat while trying to figure out how to live without supervision or rules and be responsible adults. It will be a blast to look forward too.

Eventually the "Cat Woman" warms up Tony's shots, and within ten minutes of entering Petco, Tony's made two new friends, and ready to go home without actually realizing he's received any shots ("Cat Woman's" that good); only a nasty taste in his mouth from the deworming serum. In those same 10 minutes, I learned that there are some seriously naive people in the world, but I also might just be a huge bitch. I guess everyone learns simple things at different stages in their lives, so I shouldn't be a harsh, judgemental asshole, but then, I wouldn't be me and this wouldn't be the World According to Em.


RANDOM NOTE:
When I was pondering why cats manage to walk, eat, and jump within a few weeks of life while humans take many years to learn these simple things, Little Di surmised that kittens are usually left on their own after a short period of time, so they've evolved to adapt to life quicker than Humans, who have people looking after them for longer periods of time, hence, a slower rate of evolutions. I guess, extremely slower rate in some people.