I'm more a Fighter than a Breather

Ok, I know that I never finished writing about Alaska, but I promise I might. ;) What I want to write about today is the fact that I took everyone's advice and tried Yoga for the first time yesterday and realized I strongly dislike it. All my friends and half the crazy world that goes on about Yoga releasing the mind and the body's stresses, seriously do not have ADD.

I'm laying on the floor with my left leg practically bent in half over my stretched out right leg and attempting to focus on my deep breathing, but I can't stop all the asinine thoughts running through my head. It's like recess for my brain; nothing to do (yes, I don't count concentrating on breathing acceptable as a attention grabber) to occupy my mind, therefore it's conga line time for my thoughts. My eyes want to wander, so that they can focus on something, but my head is tilted to the side that faces spinning machines blocking my view of the mirror. But I didn't really think I wanted to look at myself in the mirror, probably wouldn't have been a great image anyhow.

"Ok people, exhale into the Downward Dog and inhale into the Upward Dog. Make sure your butts are sticking out," the instructor drones.

He's so at peace with himself that he's lost his ability to put inflections in his voice. I would be getting sleepy, but I'm more focused on my shirt riding up and if the weird guy behind me is more focused on his breathing or my ass sticking straight up in the air. I don't have much time to dwell on this particular problem as the instructor moves in rapid succession through a bunch of twists and bends that everyone, but me, seems to be following.

I can't figure out how everyone just knew all the moves that the teacher was telling us to do; is there not a beginners class where someone explains what a Vinasa move 1 or 2 is, or how to twist into the Downward Dog correctly. I felt like I had just stepped into a school on the first day of class and everyone had known to read the required literature before showing up, but I of course, hadn't received the list.

We're standing with our right knees bent and our left legs straight shooting imaginary arrows at the front of the class, giving me the perfect opportunity to let my eyes wander. I would be moving my head around looking at people, but then I might get chastised for not concentrating on myself and my breathing. Hell, half the time I forgot I was suppose to be breathing. I was more focused on what I doing with my gangly limbs than my breaths. Besides, breathing deeply when I'm not having an asthma attack somehow seems to induce them, so I'm not a huge fan of concentrating on my breathing. I like to just let my subconsciousness handle that aspect of my life. Anyhow, it seemed that a lot of people's legs were starting to shake from the strain of the position and here I was going, "what the hell is so difficult about this pose?" I guess each to his own, because the leg lift things we did next seemed to kill me.

I also couldn't understand how every time we put our palms on the mat and lifted a leg or held our bodies above the mat, no one, but me, seemed to be having the "sweaty palm disease". I swear, after 3 seconds of touching the mat, my hands wanted to slide in whatever directions I was stretching. How are people suppose to hold a pose when they're hands are about to spay outward at any moment? I wonder if it would look really stupid wearing gloves during Yoga? Can't look as stupid as falling flat on your face.

"Ok we're going to come straight up while bringing our hands in front of us. Don't straighten out your hair or fix your shirt, we're just going to mess them up again. Just focus on your breathing. It's all about the breathing," inspirational words of advice from the teacher.

I think my mind was starting to go into overdrive of boredom. My eyes sought out the clock while my inner voice chanted, "are we done yet?" over and over again. I was barely sweating and the only things that kind of ached were my arms from holding an imaginary ball over my head and rotating it. This definitely was not the "sport" for me. It was cool that someone was telling me what to do, as I have a hard time following through with exercise if someone isn't there to direct me, but I didn't feel like I got that much of a workout and my knees were killing me from digging them into the ground to hold poses, plus, I'm definitely not a fan of sticking my ass in the air for extended periods of time. I can see why men take Yoga.

If I'm going to be stuck exercising on a mat with sweaty palms, I'd rather be fighting an opponent than struggling to keep myself from falling. But this is just my opinion. I'm sure Yoga is great for the people that have tamed or trained their minds to turn off. And I salute those people, because it's a damn difficult accomplishment.