A "Fools" Job Hunt

You know me...forever looking for a new job, any job really. I've been sending out a mass amount of emails lately to random Internet job ads that I've stumbled across on Craigslist, Realitystaff, Hotjobs, Monster, etc. and so far I've gotten very few replies. It's like I'm being taunted with cool job offers, but when I click that little "send" button at the bottom of my computer screen and my resume is jet set into the Internet superhighway, I really feel like it's mingling with 1000's of other applicants and will most likely end up in someone's trashcan - electronic or otherwise.

How do you make your electronic resume/job email stand out among the 100's of other people sending in their resumes for that one choice position? Do you put a catchy phrase like, "Hire me, I'm the person you've been looking for" in your Subject line or does that make you seem young, eager and unprofessional. Do you put a professional phrase like, "Applying for 'so and so' position" in the Subject line or is that too bland and automatically dismissed by the hiring manager? There are so many options and no one to tell me (or any other person looking for a job) what the best bet is. It's equally frustrating and annoying.

This morning I was awoken by a text message from a number I didn't recognize that went as follows: "Hi, my name is Anna. I saw your resume online. Call me at 1877-xxx-xxxx if you are still seeking a job." At first, I didn't really think much because I was semi jolted awake from a shitty sleep- I had to take my friend to the airport at 3:30am and I was still attempting to catch up from the 1 hr interruption during the middle of the night, so my brain wasn't exactly thinking straight. I thought, "job, yes, finally, I should call them back right, now"....then, after actually taking a minute to breath and realize I was kind of half asleep and my mouth tasted like a dry mothball, I washed my face, brushed my teeth and gathered my loose thoughts.

The first thing I thought was, "It's a text message for a job, who the hell text messages a job?" Has society fallen so hard that not only do we not talk to people in person or on the phone anymore, but most job hiring takes place over emails, and now, apparently, texts? That's just sad and a little bit frightening.

My next thought was, "It's a 1-877 number. Is this a real number or some random 'steal your identity' bullshit number that you call and it downloads all your personal information?" This made me pause for a sec and consider not calling. I didn't know how they got my phone number in the first place because I don't readily hand it out (yes, I send my resume - with my phone number on it - to everyone and anyone over the Internet, but they're legit email addresses of hiring companies), so I was a little confused until i remembered the day before where I applied to be a flight attendant (yea, I know, but at least the job is steady, has benefits and travels, so I can pretend to be nice to morons for 8 hrs at a time if I have to) and the job site made me fill out this stupid questionnaire with all my personal information.

I did because I really wanted to apply for the job, but it basically took my information, let me upload a resume (and all I had was my production resume, nothing remotely similar to flying or airplanes listed on there) and then said, "thanks" without even letting me add a cover letter explaining the random resume and my reasoning behind the job inquiry. Then, me not realizing that I had finished applying for the job, I proceeded to start filling in the random other questions that popped up asking if I wanted to continue my education and would I please fill out my contact info for them to call or send me educational material. I filled out two of these surveys before realized I didn't need to and that there wasn't anything else to the job site.

You know how if you log in to Monster.com or any of the other professional job sites, you fill out a sign-in page with your name, email, and phone number, and then you get access to all the job information they have available on their website? Well, that's why I kept filling out the continuing education information, I didn't realize I'd completed the flight attendant application (basically my contact information and my resume) and I thought that if I kept filling out the forms, eventually I'd get to the page that let me browse jobs. I guess that site, the JobCooler.com, isn't like that. My advice, don't use the site. It's bullshit, and now I've had two people call me from schools to give me information on their continuing education program. I was basically sold out and I did it to myself.

Anyhow, I think these stupid forms might have given my phone number to the people that texted me. It was a good guess and the logical one after my first thought, being irrational and retarded - I thought it was an April Fools joke that someone was playing on me. Most of my friends know that I'm desperately seeking a job, and one of them might just be cruel enough to have me call a number, talk to a real person who would convince me to meet them for an interview, and when I showed up, no one would be there. I know it sounds vicious and I don't really know if any of my friends are that evil, but I did think it was April Fools and it was just so coincidental that I'd been posting my resume everywhere and when I finally got a reply for a job, it was a "text" on April Fools. I even called my sister, Robby, to ask her if she thought someone was messing with me, but she just said to call and if it was a fake number, at least I would know... So true.

Well...that was until the face washing, the 10 minutes of pondering the text, the 1-877-number debate, and the little bit of coffee I downed, managed to give my brain cylinders time to properly function fore me realized it wasn't even April 1st...it was the second and I was a huge moron. So, I now didn't have to worry too much that the "text" was a cruel joke by an evil friend, but more, some new, and stupid, way to contact people for jobs.

I dialed the number and listened to one ring before an automated woman informed me that I'd reach jobhub.com's phone services number and if I would like to stay on the line, someone would be along shortly to help register me with their company for future jobs. If I didn't want to wait around for an operator, I could visit their website at "anothershittyanduselessjobwebsite.com (I'm using my poetic license)". I hung up, typed in the URL the robot lady gave me and
discovered it was just what I'd feared: a job site trying to get more information out of me then they would give to me. I don't like the websites that say they'll help you and then they just sell all your contact information to marketing firms to make them money while you think you're being helped, but really your phone gets to ring all day and night with asshole telemarketers giving false promises. Evil, Evil bastards. They should all pay. Ahem, sorry, I'm starting to sound like a Postal Worker.

Anyhow, the moral of this story is that I'm an optimist, yet paranoid idiot; I should avoid sketchy Internet job sites; and I really should start looking at calendars more often.