"Running" to the ER

Nina, my ex-roommate, who's been staying with me for the past few days, and I went for a lite jog (I went rollerblading - running kills me), yesterday morning. After Nina put in about two miles on her running shoes, she decided to finish off the workout session with sprints. Unfortunately, after literally three steps into the first sprint, Nina pulls something in her thigh and she's down for the count on a stretch of road emulating the "Stand'". She sends me back to the house to get the car and pick her up.

Once I'd manged to get her into the car and return home, I knocked on a few neighbor's doors to see if someone would help me lift her up the stairs to my apartment so she could take a soothing bath and hopefully fix the leg, but of course, it's the one day that no one is around to help and after Nina got a foot out of the car, she was crying, so it was off to the emergency room.

I pulled into the ER lot and was told to wait by the car for an orderly that would bring out a wheel chair. A few minutes later a cute, early 20's, 6'2" orderly pushes a wheel chair right up to the passenger side of the car and helps Nina into it. As he wheels her into the building, he casually asks Nina how she hurt herself, "I was sprinting and something happened." "But you look like you're in shape," he responds, his eyes taking in the fact that she's only in a sports bra and running pants. Good pick up line dude.

I was tasked with finding a parking spot, but oddly enough, the ER parking lot had about 200 parking spot, five of them emergency patient parking only and the rest were reserved for doctors. Totally fucked up if you ask me; what do seriously injured people, who've driven themselves to the hospital, do when they need help and there's nowhere to park? Do they abandon their vehicles in the ambulance zone or do they park four long blocks up and across from the hospital, like I did, and walk back to the ER all bleeding and half dead. I seriously think the hospital needs to build a parking structure or tell some of the doctors to park in one of the $10 an hour pay lots around the corner. Inefficient medical care shouldn't start in the parking lot.

Once I managed to trek back to Nina, I found her chilling in a wheelchair, waiting for a Nurse to accept her paperwork and process her into the hospital. There were about 5 other people in the waiting room. Most of them seemed to be ok, but the odd lady in the corner captured the most of my attention. She was complaining to the admission nurse about the slow service, saying she had a lot of pain in her back and shoulder, while walking back and forth between her seat and the admin window. It was probably my fault, but I made eye contact with her, giving her permission to "chat" with us.

She told us she was helping her sister move the other day, but tweaked something in her back, now she's at the ER. She went on to inform us that her sister never helps her with anything, but she always helps her sister; she's got four kids, the eldest one is her miracle baby because she was told she couldn't have children (her first son dying, I think at birth); and she's got a weird, creepy vein condition that causes the femoral artery to throb painfully and stick out on her legs. A bunch of history about a woman I didn't need to know.

An hour and a half later, an old black woman shuffles into the waiting room. I over hear her say that she was born in 1922. This lady seems coherent and is able to walk, abet slowly, but freely, and she's close to 90. Congrats to her. The only problem is, she's hacking up her lungs. Now, I can stand the sight and sound of blood and guts, but people puking their guts up...it's just my nails on a chalkboard. The lady takes a seat near Broken Back Woman and we all wait another hour before the nurse calls on one of us.

I'd been wanting coffee, badly, because I'm addicted and love the flavor, since I'd entered the ER, but I didn't want to leave Nina by herself, this being the first time she's been to the ER for anything kind of possibly broken or torn thing. I was also afraid that the minute I left, they would call her and I'd be stuck in the waiting room with the crazy women. But after waiting 2 1/2 hours, coffee was calling my name. Like luck would have it, I stood up, the nurse's door opened, and Nina's name was called. Maybe I should I have thought to get coffee a lot sooner, then Nina would already be seen by a doctor. The nurse rolled Nina into a mini office to take her blood pressure and temperature, while I walked across the street to McDonald's.

Of course, when I returned, Nina had vanished and the waiting room had emptied out except for Broken Back Woman and Pukey Lady. Both were sitting in chairs, on opposite sides of the room, along the back wall. I took a seat in the middle and sipped my coffee while munching on a McChicken Wrap. I'd asked the admin nurse where Nina was and he said she was still in the Nurse's office. Pukey Lady said she wasn't in there anymore and then, of her own initiative, launched in to an explanation of why she was hacking up her insides - some weird stomach disease I couldn't pronounce. She was actually quite nice and I felt bad for her. Interspersed between the description of the old woman's health problems and the Admin nurse telling me I could see Nina in 10 mins, Broken Back Woman eyes my chicken wrap and starts to slyly question what I'm eating and how much it cost.

I tell her I'd go get her one, but she says she has no money, after which explaining she hasn't eaten since the previous day. I stare straight ahead, hoping she'll stop talking to me, but instead she gets up from her chair, walks towards me, and plops herself in the chair directly across from me. "Can I ask you a favor?" she questions. "Sure." "Will you buy me one of those?" she points at my sandwich. You got to be kidding me, I think, and am thankful the waiting room is almost completely empty, otherwise, who knows who else would ask a complete stranger to buy them food? The Lady puppy dogs her eyes and practically begs me without a word. "Fine," I say, and then ask her what kind she would like. It's only a $1.50, and if it gets her to leave me alone, then so be it.

I walk back to McDonald's, procure one more chicken wrap and return to the hospital. Broken Back Lady's been admitted, but apparently she'd been waiting by the waiting room door, because as soon as I question Pukey Woman on her whereabouts, the hospital door opens and Broken Back Lady, dressed in a hospital gown, is there. I hand her the food, she thanks me and closes the door. Interesting woman, but crazy.

2 minutes later, I'm finally allowed in the back, where I get to wait with Nina for another 2 hours, before it's deemed by a doctor that she just pulled her upper leg muscle and she should use crutches for the next few days. While waiting in the ER room, the hot orderly from the morning, randomly comes into Nina's room, throws on a pair of gloves, wipes down one of the metal tool trays, and then leaves. He'd said "Hi" and we talked about maybe getting a pair of crutches for Nina (because I had to wheel her to the bathroom on the stool the doctor zooms across the room in) but that was all. Nina and I think the orderly came into the room in an attempt to chat up Nina, but failed miserably, trying to throw off suspicion of his failed pick up attempt by wiping down a tray for no reason. If nothing else, it was entertaining.

So after about 4 hours, two crazy women chatting in the waiting room, one dateless orderly, and a couple of other weird experiences in the ER room, Nina and I were free to walk/gimp outside into the fresh Marina del Rey air. Luckily nothing was seriously wrong with Nina's leg, and I managed to gather more material to write about. Maybe I'll tell you about the pharmacy crack pots another time.